it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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