singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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