is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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