Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
