just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I enjoy the company of your penis
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
