I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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