My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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