After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize