dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
