I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
