My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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