friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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