yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
