I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
