i think my mom watched the whole time
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
