We're like a lot better than the average bears
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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