"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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