I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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