Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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