but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
nutella sex= disaster
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
