Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
