there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
