If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
