Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
