No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
