We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
