nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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