he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
