My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
