Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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