Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
