It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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