goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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