So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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