Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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