FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
