I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Non-Jews are for practice
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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