There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
