Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
