Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
