When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
