i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
