it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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