the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
