If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
