I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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