I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
being pregnant is like rehab
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
