she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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