i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
