Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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