I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
