summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
