What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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