I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
